Showing posts with label WHIMSY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WHIMSY. Show all posts

Sunday, October 19, 2008

SOME FINE WHINE

I currently subscribe to “Digital Cable” through COMCAST, which more than doubles the cable stations that I can watch. I can now watch BBC America, the Hallmark Channel, the Travel Channel and Disney, among others. I have about 200 channel choices.

I swear in the “olden days” before cable tv (which was portrayed in “PSAs” shown in movie theatres as a “monster in your living room”) when there were only 7 broadcast channels to choose from (for me 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13) there were more varied choices than there are today with 200 channels - and I never had any trouble finind something entertaining to watch! I often find myself singing a revision of the Bruce Springsteen song, now “200 Channels and Nothin’ On!”

While the remaining broadcast channels do often come up with some good shows, their schedules continue to be chock-a-block with the steaming piles of excrement called “reality tv”, brain-dead game shows and cloned talent contests, as do the various cable stations.

MTV, VH-1 and E are full of unwatchable soft-core porn reality shows – with absolutely no socially redeeming value and also no entertainment value. E’s only saving grace is THE SOUP.

TLC (The Learning Channel) should be called the “Circus Side-Show Channel”. With the exception of WHAT NOT TO WEAR and reruns of WHILE YOU WERE OUT (two shows which actually are excellent for what they are) this station is all about freaks and geeks – from the “tree-man” to the “man without a face” to the “tattooed lady” (HOLLYWOOD INK).

BRAVO, TNT and A+E run constant reruns of the LAW AND ORDER and CSI franchises – how many times can you watch the same episode?

BBC America does have PRIMEVAL, TORCHWOOD, occasional mystery series like WIRE IN THE BLOOD, GAVIN AND STACEY, and GRAHAM NORTON - but its schedule is mostly made up of reality shows – which are more outlandish than the copied American versions. When I first got Digital Cable BBC America had daily reruns of the old SAINT and AVENGERS series, but they disappeared within a month.

The Hallmark Channel’s series of original mysteries (somewhat reminiscent of the days of McMILLAN AND WIFE, McCLOUD, BANACEK, etc – although certainly not as good) have original entries only very rarely. And, like TNT, BRAVO and A+E with L+O and CSI, how many times can you watch the same Perry Mason movies and Murder She Wrote and Matlock episodes?

The Travel Channel still has an hour of new Samantha Brown (now doing week-end getaways) almost every week, but fills much of its prime-time schedule with a show about a fat guy eating fried bugs and cooked animal testicles in exotic places, someone who makes “No Reservations”, and poker tournaments.

The Disney tween-targeted sitcoms and movies are ok on occasion for killing time – but not as a steady diet.

Oi vey! Thank God for FANCAST and NETFLIX.

TTFN

Sunday, September 28, 2008

UNANSWRED QUESTIONS

For years I have found myself faced with many questions – longing for answers.

Some answers are self-evident. Why do fools fall in love? Well, after all, they are fools aren’t they?

I have determined the answer to some questions based on history and experience. When will they ever learn? Probably never.

Some questions will probably never be answered. What’s it all about, Alfie? A totally unnecessary remake could shed no new light on the question.

With some questions only time will tell. Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four? I’ll find out in 9 years and 2 months. This question is for the very few remaining long-time clients for whom I still make a house call in exchange for a home-cooked meal.

Some are no longer relevant. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Joe went to his “final audit” in 1999.
.
And I have given up on others. Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bedpost over night? Easy enough to find out – but who cares? Actually I don’t have a “headboard” as I sleep on a futon.
.
There are still questions that haunt me.

I would really like to know what the mama saw. All I know is that what the mama saw it was against the law.

I also want to know what Billy Joe MacAllister and his friend were throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge when they were sighted by Brother Taylor.

And while we are at it – I always did wonder why Mr. Baker’s secretary had to leave Harper Valley.

Can anyone provide me with answers?

TTFN

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

THE SINGING CPA

Regular visitors to TWTP know that I am a frustrated Weird Al" Yankovic – or more appropriate for my generation Alan Sherman (My Son the Nut, My Son the Folk Singer – HELLO MUDDAH, HELLO FADDAH) – from my Tax Season Carols.

Clients are also aware of my dabbling in this art from the greeting messages I leave on my answering machine during the season.

For example –

* Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly.
I got a pile of 1040s up to my thigh (or eye as the season progresses).
Can’t rest during tax season time!

* I gets weary,
and sick of taxes.
I’m tired of 1040s,
but feared of extensions.
So, like Ole Man River, I keep on rolling along!

* The sun comes up – I work on taxes.
The coffee cup – I work on taxes.
There are so many 1040s still waiting to be done.
Can’t wait till there is only one!
(Actually I am at my desk working on 1040s before the sun comes up!)

It appears that I am not alone in my dabbling. I received an email of introduction on April 6th from Steven Zelin, who is known as “the Singing CPA”. What surprised me most was that the email was sent on April 6th – when most tax professionals are just beginning to start pulling their hair out. I was truly surprised that he had the time to do anything other than 1040s on April 6th.

Steve writes and performs funny songs about taxes and accounting, most to the tune of popular favorites.

There is, for example, TAX BUSTERS, obviously to the tune of GHOSTBUSTERS:

If there’s something strange on your tax return
Who you gonna call – Tax Busters!

Don’t be afraid of no tax
.”

Actually I had been toying with a similar ditty – but I had not gotten past “We ain’t ‘fraid of no IRS”.

He also has TAX DEDUCTIBLE – to the tune of the Nat King Cole classic:

Tax deductible.
That’s what you are.
Tax deductible.
Just like my car
.”

And then there is:

Young man, there’s no need to pay tax.
I said, young man, let me tell you the facts.
I said, young man, if your accounting is lax
There’s no need to go to prison
.”

He is singing not about going to the YMCA but to his CPA!

And perhaps my favorite – THE ACCOUNTANT, to the tune of Kenny Rogers’ THE GAMBLER:

You gotta know when to debit, know when to credit,
Know when to shred it, and know where to sign.
You never break any rules; you just bend them with your tools.
And keep your figures focused on the bottom line
.”

It appears that for the past 5 years, Steven Zelin has entertained New Yorkers who mail their tax returns at the last minute at the main James A. Farley Post Office. Those who rush to make the midnight deadline can hear his live act.

You can check out Steve at his website at
www.stevenzelin.com or listen to samples of his parodies at cdbaby.com/cd/zelin3.

TTFN